


The Mystery of a Rebel Redhead

by ImmediatelyWriting



Category: Free!
Genre: ARFID, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, Burns, Canon Gay Character, Crying Matsuoka Rin, Cynical, Developing Friendships, Eating Disorders, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Free!, LGBTQ Character, Love, M for Trigger Warnings, M/M, Matsuoka Rin Needs A Hug, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Minor Matsuoka Rin/Nitori Aiichirou, Muteness, Nitori Aiichiro Needs A Hug, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Own Interpetation of Relationship, Past Abuse, Past Violence, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28405107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmediatelyWriting/pseuds/ImmediatelyWriting
Summary: Dear Diary,Love is a good thing, right?Love almost kills Aiichiro and now everyone thinks he’s some kind of freak. This rapid weight loss has to come to an end, which means Ai has to get help.At a mental facility he meets Rin; a cynical redhead who has no intent of putting up with the cruel world much longer.Even though he’s extremely rude and not very lovable, Ai sees something in this rebel that no one else had been able to see before.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin & Nitori Aiichirou
Comments: 11
Kudos: 9





	1. Love Means Butterflies... Love Means No Hunger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LovingTheWater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingTheWater/gifts).



> Hey There!
> 
> Here I finally am with a return for a gift that my dear friend LovingTheWater gave me a while ago.  
> She writes lots of Free! Mental Hospital AUs, so I thought it'd be fitting to write something more gravetating towards her genre.  
> Thus, I came with the idea of writing this - okay, it's not MakoHaru nor RinHaru like she writes, but I wanted to do something a little different than both our comfort ships. AiRin it is, I hope you enjoy this, I tried my very best!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Aiichiro Nitori**

_Dear Diary,_

_Love is a good thing, right?_

_It’s supposed to make you feel all bubbly and happy inside, like butterflies are filling up your stomach to the brim… right?_

_Then why doesn’t my stomach want to fill up with anything at all? No butterflies, but no food either._

_Why do I want to stop loving so badly?_

_Is this what love is supposed to feel like? Because if this is love, I don’t want to feel it…_

That’s the last entry I wrote in my diary. I know every sentence by heart, even though I never read over any of the pages I’ve written in the past.

This one I recited every single night.

I would whisper every word before I closed my eyes, to remind myself that I could finally eat again as soon as I would stop loving that stupid orange-top that stole my heart.

My love for him didn’t last long, but it lasted long enough to ruin me.

Only a week after I wrote this I lost all strength; the strength to love and live.

No, I didn’t try to kill myself, even though many people are convinced I did, but it kind of happened on accident; I couldn’t get a grip on my weight, so it kept slipping through my hands.

After not being able to hold in the little food I did eat, for over a month, I finally reached my limit.

I went to sleep one night, after downing a sleeping pill and next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital.

That was three days ago; they told me I had a cardiac arrest while I was asleep, probably due to massive weight loss, but my mom convinced everyone at the hospital that it must’ve been an overdose. She told them she fed me properly, little does she know I never once managed to keep even a small part of her food inside of my body for longer than ten minutes during the past weeks.

She must’ve seen the pile plastic wraps, that belonged to the sleeping pills and aspirin I’d been taking to ease the pain of an upset stomach and insomnia for longer than she can imagine, in my bin and concluded that I tried to kill myself.

When I told them I had no intention of ending my life, they looked at me with a skeptical empathy.

Thus, today, with a shut down body and a body mass of thirteen, I’m being brought to a mental institution in Tokyo. At this institution they’ll help me gain weight and “get rid of any negative thoughts”, meaning I’ll end up in between all sorts of people who’ve actually tried to end it all. 

It’s freezing outside, even though I’m wearing a t-shirt and a sweater underneath and oversized hoodie and a coat to keep me warm. It’s been like that for a while now, my body is unable to keep me warm now that I’ve lost so much weight and going outside feels like freezing to death now.

“We’re almost there,” my mom says while pushing my wheelchair past a long line of barren trees.

I nod calmly, but deep inside I’m freaking out.

I don’t want to go to a place like that, not if I didn’t even try anything weird. I don’t need any antidepressants and people monitoring me, because I don’t vomit after eating on purpose and I certainly didn’t overdose on sleeping pills and aspirin. They can diagnose me with depression and anorexia as much as they want, but I won’t let them make my mental health worse.

All I’ll have to do is proof the people at the mental institution wrong. I’ll show them that I have no intention of dying at sixteen years old, and that I actually want to regain the weight I’ve lost; that way they’ll have to let me go home again within no time, so I can pick my life back up again.

That’s all I want after all, to go back home and get back to being the closeted gay in the back of the class again; to be the guy that no one noticed.

I used to be like that, going to class and back home unnoticed, until I accidently bumped into the uber-hot Momotarou from the other class, on my way to the cafeteria. Suddenly, I created a stutter, stopped sleeping and lost a ton of weight. All of that in the time span of a month.

Now, everyone things I’m crazy… a maniac who hurts himself and even tried to end it all, because of a stupid high school boy-crush. I mean, after all that happened, I don’t blame them for thinking that.

We reach the parking lot of big building surrounded by blossomless cherry trees and stop.

My mom crouches down in front of me and takes my hand in hers. Her hands are warm comparing to mine, which are as cold as ice cubes, but hers are clammy too.

“Look, Ai,” she says in a soft, but shaky, tone. “I don’t know for how long I can be with you inside, so know that I am only one phone call away, darling.”

I nod and whisper “I know” while trying not to cry.

“Make them take good care of you! And if they don’t, make sure to wash behind your ears every day, and eat well, try to get some sleep, okay?” She keeps going on like that, and eventually she adds the only thing that she had left to say. “And try not to get too involved with those people, yeah?”

_Those people_ ; she means the other clients who’ve probably all gone through hell and back.

She’s never wanted me close to anyone that could influence my mental health, not after my father left her raising me on her own, because of his own mental health issue.

“I won’t,” I reply, but decide to just wait and see who I come across. Making friends won’t be a priority anyway, it never has been, so I don’t even know how I should make friends to begin with.

After all of mom’s attempts at trying to be a good parent for once, even though she was the one who suggested to send me to a mental facility in the first place, we go inside where a prison-like life with a lot of freaky strangers awaits me.


	2. Nothing Ever Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ceiling doesn't change much, just a little... but Rin, he doesn't ever change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> Happy 2021! (okay it's still 2020 in the Netherlands, but still!)  
> I hope you'll have a wonderful new year!
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Rin Matsuoka**

You’d think a ceiling never changes, no matter how long you stare at it. I can assure you that it does in fact change little by little; with every speck of dust landing on top of it and every water leak causing new stains to blemish the once white surface.

Not only the ceiling changes, also the thickness of my mattress and the itchiness of the blankets, along with the people that come and go; everything gets different over time.

But not me.

Okay, I might look different on the outside with my hair grown long like this and my scars slowly fading away as they get older, but on the inside I’m still the same old Rin.

The same Rin that lost everything, including his will to put up with this messed up world any longer.

I exist, that hasn’t changed, and I don’t intent on doing that for much longer, so that hasn’t changed either. I’m still called rude, even though I don’t talk unless I really have to, and no one can be in the same room with me for longer than ten minutes without driving themselves crazy.

There’s a knock on the door, like every other day so it doesn’t startle me at all.

Another caretaker wanders into my room, announcing that he has big news for me. I couldn’t care less about the “big news”, because all they ever get me are new meds that don’t work or another therapist because the last one labeled me a lost cause.

My eyes meet caretaker number one’s, whose actual name is Furuya, and he takes a deep breath.

“Matsuoka,” he says, keeping a stern expression as his eyes slide over my undressed chest. “Could you please put on some clothes? It is winter.”

I scoff; they’re always telling me to put on clothes with long sleeves to keep warm, but I know very well that it is because they want me to hide my scars. News flash, we’re all flawed and scarred here, nobody’s going to get a scare from the harm that’s been done to my body.

“What’s with that attitude?” Furuya asks in an annoyed tone.

He knows it ticks me off when he gets all worked up, yet he keeps doing it over and over again.

I clench my teeth together and sit upright. Honestly, I don’t feel like putting on my shirt, but then I see someone peeking at me from behind Furuya and I catch myself grabbing for my clothes.

I scramble onto my feet and make myself as broad as possible; I can’t have this imposter getting sight of my private business. No one is allowed to get into my room, not on my watch. “What is he doing here?” I snap, gesturing at the skinny grey-haired kid that’s hiding behind the broad caregiver.

“Oh.” Furuya steps aside and a scrawny looking guy in a wonky wheelchair glares at me with big eyes.

Furuya glances at the kid and tells him to introduce himself to me; why? I have no clue.

“Uh? Y-yeah, sure,” the guy stammers while playing with the leftover fabric of his clearly oversized hoodie. He doesn’t even look at me when he says, “I-I’m Aiichiro Ni-Nitori.”

Furuya shoots me a glance and says, “Now you introduce yourself, Matsuoka.”

I cross my arms, perk my eyebrows and smirk. “Why should I?”

I let out a laugh when Furuya says, “Nitori here, is going to be your roommate, Matsuoka.”

This Nitori looks fragile, like he’d break his bones with the slightest touch, so I don’t know what he would do in a place where there are narrow hallways and lots of lost souls that can bump into you. And for them to lock the kid in the same room with me? They’ve lost their mind.

“You have got to be kidding me.” I roll my eyes before shooting Furuya an angry glance.

I’ve been stuck at this prison for years now, and the only thing that made living under complete restrictment doable was the fact that I could withdraw from everyone inside of my little room.

“No, I am not kidding.” Furuya takes stands behind Nitori and wheels him into my personal space. There isn’t even enough place in this room, and there’s no way I will be allowed to sleep in the lowest bunker when mister-four-wheels here becomes my roommate.

“Look, Matsuoka,” Furuya continues. “You have to start accepting roommates if you ever want to get back into our society, you cannot keep locking yourself away from the world.”

I groan, because somewhere deep down I know he might be right. Not that I plan on getting back into society, but maybe getting out of this place would be a start.

Not that I will give him what he wants, though; these people keep me imprisoned against my will, so they’re not going to see the Rin they want to see without having to put in a little more effort than just dumping this random small fry into my personal space. It won’t be so easy.

Yet, Furuya pushes Nitori further into my room and, after giving the both of us some rules to keep to, he leaves us all alone; with the two of us, that means, because I won’t be all alone anymore.

There’s a very uncomfortable silence right after the door closes.

Nitori is staring at me as I grab a vest and put it over my t-shirt to cover up my arms. I don’t mind exposing everything when I’m on my own, but with this scrawny kid will be in my personal space at all times of the day, I’d rather not have my scars out in the open.

“Uh,” Nitori whispers while lowering his gaze. “I – uhm – I’m sorry.”

I frown at him, wondering why he’s apologizing to me. I want to lecture him on not apologizing when you’ve got nothing to be sorry about, not to someone like me; I let it slide for this time.

“You can have the bottom bed,” I mutter while hoisting myself onto the upper mattress.

There’s a soft thank you before I hear a lot of rattling followed by extreme panting. It goes on like that for a short while, and at first I don’t want to interfere with the guy’s business, but then I hear a loud bang followed by Nitori’s voice whispering, “Ouch.”

I peak over the edge of the bed and see the skinny kid lying on the floor. His wheelchair has folded up and he probably collapsed in between the bed and his chair. Even though it doesn’t look like it could’ve hurt that much, Nitori’s still laying there panting with tears in his eyes.

_What’s wrong with this kid?_ I ask myself while rolling my eyes at the mess he made of my room, but then I realize that he’s probably thinking the same about me; he’s right to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:   
> What does Ai think of Rin... and what does the rest of the mental facility think of him...


	3. Some People Should Wear a DANGER Sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ai finds out some more about Rin... yet he still doesn't know what to think of the rude redhead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> So, I am well aware that the hits and amount of kudos on this story are just plainly depressingly low...   
> this is demotivating, so I am very happy I've already finished writing this story!  
> I hope the few that read it do actually like it, even when it might not be my best work ever; at least I enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Aiichiro Nitori**

Something about him is off.

That's the first thing that came to mind when I met Matsuoka.

He is a rude redhead, who doesn't even bother to collect me from the ground when my broken down body decides it isn't time to walk without the stability of a wheelchair or cane just yet.

He just sat there, looking down at me like he was wondering what was wrong with me.

That's how we met; good first impression on both ends, really.

He didn't make me feel at home, he didn't even go to dinner at the same time as I did. And now that I'm sitting on the long tables with a couple of other teenagers who are also playing with their food, I wonder if Matsuoka will even show up to dinner.

He didn't look too skinny, so he must be able to eat sometimes or at least more often than I can. He wore baggy clothes though, so maybe he is a lot scrawnier than he shows me.

They didn't really tell me anything about my roommate, nothing about why he's here or what I can expect from him; Matsuoka is like a mystery to me.

I prick into my food while trying not to stare at the other people at the table. There's just a small amount of chattering in the room, most people are trying to eat a little; not me.

Okay, I’ve tried to eat a little when I just got my food, but it just doesn’t feel right. As soon as it reaches my stomach it’ll start bubbling and it’ll cause me to feel sicker than ever before.

"Why aren't you eating?" a blond kid, facing me, asks. I've caught him eating at least twice the food I ate over the past week; which isn’t a lot, but it is more than most people here since most teenagers at this place don’t seem to have much of an appetite.

"Nagisa, that is really rude to ask," another guy with glasses says, glancing over at his mate. "He's probably new here, don't force him to eat."

I shrug, not knowing if I liked the other guy's correction better than the comment the blond guy made. I think about telling them that I'm not hungry, but I would be lying.

My actual thought; I know I'll have to throw up if I eat, so I don't plan on eating whatsoever.

"I still think you should eat something," a third guy says, his green eyes sliding over my barely touched food before the scrawny guy with black bangs besides him nudges him in the side.

"I know, I know," green-eyes says in reply to the side-nudge as if his friend here said something.

I roll my eyes a little before taking a small bite to my mouth; maybe this group of weirdoes will stop bugging me once I eat something.

I stare at my plate, already feeling sick to my stomach as the food slides down my throat.

"So," the blond kid, Nagisa, mumbles, pulling on his long sleeves. "You're new?"

I nod and they immediately know what to do; they've probably seen many people come and go.

"In that case," the green-eyed guy says. "Let me introduce myself; I'm Makoto, and this silent kid here is my roommate Haruka."

Nagisa quickly adds his own name and tells me that his roommate is called Rei.

"Aiichiro Nitori." I look at all of the teenagers, trying not to pay attention to everyone's strange quirks even when they're all obvious; Haruka has barely touched his food either and his friend Makoto has bloodshot eyes and dark bags like he hasn't slept for months. Nagisa has something to hide underneath those sleeves and every time he tucks his hands into them he looks a little sad, and Rei keeps doing respective things like tapping on the surface of the table and clicking with his tongue and even whisper-like counting in specific patterns.

Their patterns are clear.

They make it easy to guess why these people are here of all places; they all seem a little off, just like my roommate… just like me.

What’s different is that they all seem close with their roommates

That isn’t the case with Matsuoka and me. Like I said, he's a mystery; one that I'm very interested in.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask, forcing myself not to stammer during my first introduction.

Makoto nods once, so I ask, "Do you know Matsuoka?"

Everyone's eyes get bigger all of a sudden, Rei even chokes on his drink while Haruka averts his gaze.

"Well." Makoto uncomfortably scratches behind his ear. "He isn't someone you want to run into unprepared, why do you ask?"

I swallow; they seem scared of him for some unknown reason.

“W-well.” I sigh, because I stammered anyway. “He’s my r-roommate.”

Everyone’s expression is shocked in their own way and I have no idea what to make of it. _Is Matsuoka really such a bad guy? Is that why everyone so scared of him_ , I wonder.

“Oh, shit,” Nagisa mumbles, turning away from me while stuffing his face.

“Nagisa!” Rei whisper yells, as if Nagisa was in the wrong to say something like that.

Makoto’s the one to eventually tell me that, apparently, Matsuoka has been at this place for over a year. “And, well,” Makoto continues. “It isn’t the first time, he’s been in places like this for longer stretches in different facilities even. Rumor has it that he’s just too much of a danger to himself and others to let him run loose, yet not many know if that’s true.”

Makoto’s gaze slides past Haruka, whose glaring at his plate without eating. Makoto looks a little sad, or maybe even scared, before he looks back at me and adds, “Just be careful around that guy.”

I swallow once; _I’m locked up with a crazy person!_

I’m trying my best not to shake or shiver; I can’t show them that I’m terrified.

I take a sip of my drink and swallow again, but the water’s not sliding down. I take another sip of my drink, but my stomach is already turning itself inside out… before I know it, I’m placing my hand around the crutch they gave me and rush to the bathroom to vomit up all my distress and terror until I can’t puke any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> Sorry about the first note, I'm in a strange mood today haha.  
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter!
> 
> Love, Noa <3


	4. The Blessing of Ice Biting into Your Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice eating away at your skin is an amazing feeling, isn't it?

**Rin Matsuoka**

Dinnertime had just passed when Nitori rushed into my room, interrupting my peaceful slumber.

Since it was the first sleep I’d had in weeks, I couldn’t help but get a little annoyed. Of course, with me, annoyance soon turns into a burning and blood-boiling anger and I couldn’t even help it.

I didn’t mean to throw another temper tantrum, it’s not like I wanted to throw his wheelchair or throw with Nitori’s crutches or push my new roommate against the wall; it happened anyway.

_That’s Rin Matsuoka for you_ , I think while I lay on the floor, exhausted because of screaming and crying out in high-pitched shrieks and throwing with things that aren’t made for throwing. _Give him something tiny to get mad about, and he’ll grab the chance…_

Nitori is glaring at me from across the room, I can feel his eyes on me.

I also can hear him whimpering in fear or pain and, of course, I also hear footsteps and voices in the hallways checking for what the commotion was about. Before I know it, the door opens.

I’m not mad anymore, just a little irritated, but I know how quickly it can go back to screaming pain that comes from inside my head; I can’t suppress it, I cannot keep it inside or hide it.

“What happened in here?” Furuya’s voice echoes through my head, I can hear and feel the anger in him voice; furious that I made another mistake. Yet, if someone’s mad at me, it would be myself.

I feel it in my chest, a fire roaring, when Furuya’s hand lands on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell, pushing his hand away in an instance. It comes back again, a hand holding me in place and a voice telling me to stay calm; I can’t listen, because my ears are ringing with anger. I just want to punch something, someone, or rip something apart. I just want to stop all of this, because I know I’ll keep going and keep hurting people and… I don’t even know why I don’t stop.

But I don’t stop, I push Furuya away without even looking him and after that I run away.

He left the door open, it’s easy to run away like that; the cold winter-air awaits me.

I collapse face first into the snowed-over parking lot; exhausted and out of breath.

It's nice to feel the freezing cold stinging at my cheeks; much better than the sting that something hot gives me. This adrenaline is much better, the frost biting into me like it wants to swallow me whole. There's a blanket of completely calm feelings draped all over me and I'm not even mad at anyone anymore.

I just lay there, for god-knows-how-long, until I feel nothing anymore.

I close my eyes and enjoy the emptiness of exhaustion.

By the time I feel my fingers tingling again, I'm not outdoors anymore.

It is warm in here and there's not anything eating away at my cells.

There's something draped over my entire body, yet still I feel numb.

"M-Matsuoka?" A high-pitched guy voice whispers and I can feel his warm, and empty-stomach, breath on my cheeks. "Are you awake?"

I open my eyes, groaning when I feel how much my face is aching with every movement I make.

"Oh, yes, you are awake!" Nitori says in a relieved voice. "I'll get mister Furuya then!"

The skinny guy starts scrambling onto his feet, barely holding himself upright with only one arm to hold his wobbly cane. 

"No," I mumble, forcing my numb tongue to let me speak. "Please, don't get him just yet."

Nitori looks confused and hesitant for a moment, but he soon sits back down. I can feel him watching me as I wake up and take a moment to get used to my painful headache.

When I've finally woken up a little, and I'd gotten warmer, I look at Nitori.

He looks roughed up and his left arm is resting in a sling; I guess I pushed him pretty hard after all.

"I'm sorry," I eventually admit.

Seeing the poor guy like this on his first evening here causes me to feel at least a little guilty; if not very guilty. I know I shouldn't have pushed someone frail like that.

"You're sorry?" Nitori frowns at me.

"About your arm?" 

"Oh, that." He looks down at the white triangle, making him look like a preschooler that fell of his bike. "It's my own fault, it wouldn't have broke if I ate enough after all."

I look down at my lap, because I still feel ashamed for throwing a temper tantrum like that, actually hurting someone in the process for the millionth time. Normally, people who’ve been hurt by me never speak to me ever again; they hate me for doing that.

Not Nitori though, even when he knows me for a couple of hours only, he was sitting beside me when I woke up. No one, unless they’re a caregiver, has done that for me before.

“Can I ask you something?” I eventually asks, still not looking back up at my hurt roommate.

“Of course.”

“Why have you stayed by my side?” I ask. “Is it because Furuya asked you to, or—“

“No.” Nitori shakes his head when I look up at him. “I was really worried, so I asked if I could stay until you woke up. I-I don’t know why, I just felt like it was the right thing to do… y-you know?”

I swallow and feel myself tearing up; no one has ever said anything like that, not to me.

Before I know it, I’m thanking him in whispers in between cries, because for the first time in so many years someone has made me feel at ease; Nitori cared enough to stay beside me.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he eventually tells me.

I look at him through my tears and only now notice how hesitant Nitori has looked all of this time. He looks pale and unsure, and his lip starts shaking when he asks if he can ask me something as well.

I nod, and he almost immediately asks me the question I knew would be coming.

“W-why do people say you’re dangerous?”

I close my eyes, wondering how he hasn’t seen it himself; how he’s still not sure about why people call me a rebel with the most explosive anger issues. He should’ve been thinking that about me himself after being pushed against a wall and thrown at with crutches.

“I guess you deserve to know,” I mumble, not even looking at Nitori.

He deserves it, and it’s the least I can do, but I doubt he’ll still want to be my roommate after knowing the shit I’ve done in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:  
> The FINAL chapter!


	5. The Mystery Unravels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says enough!

**Aiichiro Nitori**

“I guess you deserve to know,” Matsuoka says.

He looks scared, maybe even a little guilty, not like I’ve seen him before.

Ever since he woke up after being passed out for over three hours, he has looked so much more fragile than how I met him this morning.

This morning I was afraid of him, but now that I see him with tears filling up his eyes I feel rather sympathetic towards the guy. Not scared at all, like there’s more behind him than just anger.

“Before I start,” Matsuoka says after a short while. “I want you to know that I did some things, and I regret all of them; but I get it if you hate me after learning about my past.”

I nod, but little does he know that I’ve never actually hated anyone.

After that he starts talking; he tells me about himself and how everything started when he was about fourteen years old. “I’d always had anger issues, from when I was just a toddler,” he explains. “But at fourteen they got worse and I made my first big mistake. I’d been driving my mother crazy for months already, but that day was different.”

Tears start to well up in his eyes again.

“She said something wrong, I don’t even remember what she said to make me that mad.” Matsuoka takes his hand up to his face and whimpers. “I exploded, pushing her off the stairs before running like crazy. Of course, eventually the cops found me, my sister must’ve called them.”

He tells me how they brought him to the police office and he then found out he had nearly killed his own mother. She was lucky, and fortunately survived, but Matsuoka never had the guts to face her again; neither has he seen his sister again after the incident.

“I still don’t know what on earth caused me to do that,” he whispers. “But things like that kept happening over and over again; I stole, I got into messed up fights and didn’t think about my own safety either. It proofs, who cares about themselves wouldn’t decide that revenge on someone by putting the two of you on fire is the way to go.”

I frown and ask him what he’s talking about.

Matsuoka’s eyes get bigger, as if he just now realized what he said, and before I know it he’s leaning forward. He rolls up his sweatpants a little and reveals ragged scars stretching all over his left leg.

“I was lucky, barely got hurt—“ His voice falters, like he’s forgetting what he was talking about. It takes a moment before he pulls himself together again. “The other guy though; he lost his leg and I know for a fact that the trauma has left him mute and, well, just as mentally instable as I am.”

Matsuoka takes his hand through his hair before mumbling, “Poor Haruka.”

I gasp, and Matsuoka seems to notice. He sounds guilty and ashamed when he asks if I ran into him.

“I-I think I did,” I admit. “Silent and skinny guy with black bangs?”

Matsuoka nods and says, “Would be strange if you hadn’t seen him around, he has gotten into this place the same time as I have; about a year ago.”

I glare at him, trying to swallow away the lump that’s resting in my throat.

“I broke out of this place a couple of times,” Matsuoka eventually tells me. “Here, I tend to get into fights when I’m with others, so I like to withdraw as much as I can. Tried to run away from life every time, but I kept ending up in this place over and over again. That brings me where I am now.”

He’s crying, sobbing even, when he whispers, “I shouldn’t even be alive.”

Matsuoka looks at me and wipes away his tears before saying, “Just say it, you agree; I should be dead, because no one wants me around; not you… nobody can deal with someone so unstable.”

I take a deep breath and bite the inside of my cheek; I feel like crying, but that wouldn’t be the right reaction. I also feel like running, but that wouldn’t be right either.

Somewhere Matsuoka is right; like my mother has told me, I don’t want to be associated with someone like Matsuoka. But at the same time there’s a little voice in the back of my head and it’s telling me not to give up on this redhead.

I close my eyes and do the only thing I can think of right now.

My unharmed arm wraps around Matsuoka’s broad shoulders and I pull him against me while telling him that he’s wrong. “You’re wrong, I don’t mind,” I tell him over and over again.

He may be foolish and aggressive, but that’s something he clearly hates about himself.

If I give up on him now, he might not survive in this cruel world much longer. I can’t have that; that’d be like murder if someone with still so much potential in his veins, to die on my watch.

“I’m here for you,” I whisper.

Matsuoka’s body starts shaking heavily and I can’t help but cry myself.

I hug him back, tightly, because for once I want to do the right thing; I messed up with my own life, working it into ruins in no time while Matsuoka has been making mistakes his entire life, but maybe if we work together we can get both our lives back on track.

All I want is for the both of us to get out of here together, get away from the gossiping about my horrible weight and Matsuoka’s aggressive past. I want to help him go back to a normal, healthy life.

I’ll stay his roommate who calms him down when he’s mad, who wipes his tears when he’s sad.

I’ll be the one that makes sure to show this rebel redhead how wonderful life can be when not everyone casts you out.

And maybe…

Just _maybe_.

I might even gather the currage fall in love again.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey There!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading the last chapter of this AiRin fic.   
> So, as you know I'm a little down about how few readers this got, but it was trying out something new... during a writersblock... with a new ship...   
> Yeah I'm not surprised it got so few hits; it's by far not my best work. 
> 
> I am out of my writersblock now and writing at full speed on a long MakoHaru story again! So that's fun.  
> Anyways, I hope you liked it even when it wasn't my greatest work. 
> 
> Love, Noa <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey There!
> 
> Okay, so this will have multiple chapters, I'm thinking about five to seven; depends on how the plot develops (I'm writing chapter 5 now).  
> I'll post every Sunday and Thursday from now. 
> 
> Love, Noa <3


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